Taking Ze Piste

Allo and welcome to ze 'ome of ze piste-take. Mah name ees Jean-Claude Chilly and, togezer wiz some of mah fantastique Eurotrash friends, Ah weel be showing you around ze world of ze skiing and ze snowboarding. Ah mahself am not so much a fan of ze snowboarding, but one 'as to be tolerant, hein? Ah mean, we even 'ave an homme from Amayrica in ze band. 'Ow tolerant ees zat…?

Ah suppose eet would be a bonne idée to 'ave a queek introdooction for zose of you 'oo 'ave not yet met mah friends. From ze Eetalee, we 'ave Alberto Bomba. 'E ees a beet of a fanateek. 'E cannot drink like an homme, but 'e seems to 'ave a good time anyway. And 'e ees ze person to parle wiz eef you 'ave a questeeon of ze skiing een Eetalee.

Ah personallee 'ave never been to Eetalee and 'ave no plans to go zair anytime soon. Mais, eef zat ees your sing, Ah 'ave no problèmes wiz eet. Especially parce que zay say zat ze laydees een Eetalee are très attracteef. Peut-etre Ah weel go zair après all…

Et zat breengs me to an interessant sing - we 'ave not got any weemen wiz oos 'ere een ze Eurotrash band. Ah don't know eef eet ees parce que Ah am un peu pooey. Peut-etre eet ees not me, but ze way Alberto uses ees pole when 'e ees on ze slopes. Whatever eet ees, Ah am not so 'appee wiz ze seetuation. Eef you 'ave seen any laydees 'oo 'ave what eet takes to take ze piste, please get een touch. Ah reelly like ze Eurotrash band, but zey are all men, you know what Ah meen…? Well, Ah suppose zat you could peut-etre argue zat notre amie Camilla ees a laydee, mais Ah am not conveenced. She ees, you 'ave to comprends, Eenglish. Zis shorelee deesqualeefies 'er, non…?

Any'ow, zat ees enuff of zat. Maintenant Ah am starting to feel all triste, and Ah don't enjoy zat. Let oos talk of ze folks een ze band again. Zey make me laff, so Ah weel stop sinking about ze lack of ze laydees zat Ah 'ave wiz me 'ere.

From ze Ostreea we 'ave Franz Slammer. 'E also ees a beet of a fanateek, but 'as ze skeels to joosteefy eet. And Ah like 'eem parce que 'e also ees not a beeg fan of ze snowboarders. 'Orreeble peeple. And Franz 'as a soopair sense of ze youmour. Ze dernier friend of mahn 'oo ees een ze band ees Ricky Bore.

'E ees ze Amayricain zat Ah was telling you about beefore. But don't let zat poot you off. 'E ees a nice enuff guy. Een spite of beeing a snowboarder. Eemagine zat - a snowboarder and a Amayricain 'oo ees okay. 'Ard to beelieve, but vrai nonezeless. And 'e also ees into ze partays. What wiz 'eem and Camilla, eet ees difficile to comprends 'ow we ever get to ze slopes at all. And zat ees ze group. Ah 'ave fun wiz zem and Ah 'ope you weel, aussi. Eef only we could find some laydees. Not eenclooding zese beasts from Angleterre…